


Restraint

by stardropdream



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 06:50:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardropdream/pseuds/stardropdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the incident with the window, Doumeki and Himawari wait for Watanuki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Restraint

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ May 19, 2008.

He looked far too pale lying on those sheets, and he could see her shaking, clenching her hands together, her head bowed, her face crumpling away into tears.   
  
He wasn’t sure how to react. Part of him was still in shock, maybe. His archer’s uniform was stained in blood and his hands were clenched tightly. Tight enough that his nails were digging soundly into the flesh of his palms, leaving half-moon marks there. He was torn between running to him and comforting her.   
  
“He can still be saved,” the witch was saying, smoke curling around her head.   
  
“He can?” her voice was so quiet, so broken, so guilty.   
  
Yuuko nodded, and for a moment her eyes flickered, as if she would pay the price herself, if she could.   
  
“There isn’t much time.”  
  
“I’ll pay it,” Himawari stated.  
  
“I will, too,” Doumeki agreed. His voice almost shook.   
  
“Agreeing without knowing the price is a dangerous thing to do,” Yuuko warned.  
  
“I don’t care,” Doumeki stated.   
  
“I’ll pay it,” Himawari repeated.   
  
Yuuko closed her eyes.   
  
“There are three parts. One part has already been paid.”   
  
Himawari and Doumeki glanced at one another.   
  
Yuuko continued, “The second part is blood. He needs an equal amount of blood that he lost.” She looked straight at Doumeki. He nodded. “The third part is scarring. Someone must take his scars.”   
  
Her eyes turned to Himawari and she nodded her head. Without hesitation.   
  
Yuuko moved and the smoke followed her, wafting through the air and cloaking Watanuki from view, his pale face nearly sinking into the white fabrics that surrounded him.   
  
“As you wish.”   
  
  
\---  
  
  
“Oh,” Himawari said, as she turned the corner and saw Doumeki turn around the corner on the other end of the street. She headed towards him, smiling benignly. He met her halfway. “Good morning, Doumeki-kun.”  
  
“Good morning.”  
  
“Yuuko-san contacted you as well?” Himawari asked, smiling fondly.   
  
Doumeki nodded and stopped when he’d reached a close enough distance to her. He didn’t falter or shift much, but to anyone who knew him well enough, the slight haziness in which he moved was more than evident. That was what happened when you lost a large amount of blood. The last few days had been hazy, strange. But he could feel the weight of the egg Yuuko gave him, heavy in his pocket.   
  
He hadn’t moved the last few days. Moving was kind of out of the question. But he’d thought. He’d thought a lot over the past few days.   
  
“You changed your hairstyle,” Doumeki said casually, but his words were heavy.   
  
Himawari nodded and touched a stray strand thoughtfully. “Yes.”   
  
He looked at her for a long moment and Himawari smiled up at him. He shifted and leaned against the wall, stuffing his hands into his pockets. His fingers curled around the egg.  
  
“So no one will see,” he said, and didn’t bother to ask.   
  
Himawari’s smile faltered, flickered for half a second, before she nodded her head.   
  
“He wouldn’t care,” Doumeki said calmly. He left words unspoken, for he never said more than was necessary, but the unspoken words rang out loud and clear.   
  
The girl shifted, and Doumeki watched the way her grip on her bag tightened. She nodded her head, once, clenching her eyes shut and forcing a smile on her lips. It looked unnatural.   
  
He wondered what she thought about when standing there. Her shoulders tensed, and her hands gripping her schoolbag as she waited for Watanuki. He wondered what went through her mind when she saw the boy.   
  
She wasn’t open. She was always smiling. And Doumeki wasn’t a fool. He knew that smiles didn’t always mean happiness. And he always wondered what would make her really, truly happy. He wondered what would make her laugh without restraint.   
  
“I know,” she said, finally. “But I don’t want him to worry.”   
  
“You shouldn’t hide it,” he said calmly.   
  
They fell into silence. They both waited for him to arrive.   
  
He watched her standing there, waiting for the other boy. She leaned against the wall, her head bowed and her eyes shut tight. She was either deep in thought, or had nothing to say. They never spoke much. Doumeki wasn’t sure if that was his own fault, or both their faults.   
  
He traced her profile and watched the way her lips parted slowly with a sigh, and the way her eyelids fluttered when a particular thought crossed her mind. He answered her sigh with one of his own and shifted from foot to foot.   
  
She must have felt his gaze on her because she opened her eyes and lifted her head. Her shoulders shifted and she smiled at him, just as she always did. And just as he always did, he saw her brittle, fragile smile. And just as he always did, he wanted to reach out his hand and wipe that sadness from her face. He looked away.   
  
He knew how heavy her price had been. How heavy her guilt must be upon her shoulders. Even if Watanuki forgave her, even if Watanuki knew about her curse. He’d given his blood, but he was fine now. His blood returned.   
  
She would have her scars forever. A constant reminder of her sacrifice and of her curse. And she’d taken them without hesitation. It was in that moment that he understood that the helpless love she felt for him glowing demurely in her eyes was most likely reflected in his own.   
  
He could see the insecurity in her eyes. And her change in hairstyle, to cover them, mirrored that insecurity perfectly. He took a step forward and touched her shoulder. He watched her stiffen, looking away from him, clenching her eyes shut before opening them again.   
  
“It’s okay,” he said. “He’s okay.”  
  
Himawari nodded, her eyes misting over for half a second. “Yes. I know.”   
  
“…It’s nice. The hair.” He kept his hand on her shoulder.   
  
Her laugh was just a bit too painful for his liking. “A-ah.”   
  
He frowned at her. She refused to look at him. He shifted so that he was standing in front of her, and placed his other hand on her shoulder. She blinked and looked up at him. He stared at her, not speaking, for a long moment, his eyes calculating. She shifted uncomfortably, but he refused to remove his hands.   
  
“It’s okay,” he said again.   
  
Himawari’s face crumbled and she nodded. “I… I know.”   
  
“You’re okay,” he said quietly, and though his face didn’t shift in expression, Himawari could tell that he was concerned. She nodded her head, and her expression softened, the crippled, unnatural smile slipping away.   
  
“I know, Doumeki-kun,” she whispered. She shifted, as if expecting him to let go.  
  
He didn’t.   
  
“We’re all okay,” Doumeki said, and then said nothing more. He’d exhausted his entire arsenal of words for the time being. Instead, he contented himself by wrapping his arms around her and hugging her briefly. He heard her intake of breath and the way she stiffened. He didn’t let go. He waited.   
  
Hesitantly, her hands lifted and patted his back, and she laughed softly, albeit nervously. But once it became clear that he had no intention of letting go, she pressed her hands against his back and rested her forehead on his shoulder.   
  
“I know,” she said again, her voice feather-light. “I know…”   
  
They stayed like that for a long moment before Doumeki let go of her and stepped back.  
  
“He’s coming,” he said unnecessarily. Watanuki’s footsteps were loud.   
  
Himawari’s smile didn’t falter, though her eyes flickered and she brushed her hair over her shoulders. He watched the black, curly mass slid over her back and cover her neck. His eyes narrowed noticeably, but she refused to look at him.  
  
Still smiling, she said, “Ah.”   
  
Watanuki turned the corner to find his two friends waiting, and with a large smile of greeting to Himawari and a small, curt nod towards Doumeki, the three walked away together.


End file.
